If Only..

Look at me now.

I figured that everything would be alright since its been 1 year I haven't been talking to HER neither have I been looking at HER. But to be really honest, I miss HER. She hated taking pictures of herself. She was pretty much a tomboy just like me. We had many things in common. I loved her and cherished her. But we had a terrible fight 2 years ago. She hurt me, I hurt her, we hurt each others feelings terribly. And the part that hurt me the most was when she accused me saying I told a lie to everyone about what happened between us which made her look bad. So I was sorry and I told her it would be better if we just pretend like we've never met. Life changed since then. I was never the me I knew before. But when I saw HER pictures, words started flowing through my mind thinking "Wow, look how much she's change.. Look how different she is now. Look how much she's grown. You see her being all happy but look at YOU.. what are you?" But that didn't bother me much until I saw HER mentioning our good friend's name, Ame. I remember a couple of months ago, I was talking to Ame on the phone since it was after my birthday. She called and she wished me happy birthday but I told her it passed like 1 week ago. So we talked and talked she told me its been years since she last contacted HER. So i told Ame about what happened between us cause I thought that "Hey, since Ame hasn't been in contact with her and might not be in contact with her ever again.. I might just tell her what happened.." But after I found out that they have been contacting with each other, I felt like a fool. I knew that everything was never right. Ame has been lying to me, she has been lying to me, they have been lying to me.. But sometimes I'll ask myself, "Was it ME who's been lying all along?". I never knew the answers of the thoughts I had in my head. I felt so miserable. So useless. So fake. So mean and cruel. Even now. So once in a while I'll be thinking, " If only I had never met them. If only my life was like a fairy tale before. If only... I was never here. "