Forever and ever.

No one can replace her, I would be nothing without her.

I bet that in this world, every human being has a best friend. Its either two, three, four or more. Well, i have many friends which I claim them as BEST friends but to be really honest.. They are all the same. They are still friends to me. I've always thought that only one can have only one best friend but when you choose one, that ONE person would eventually leave you. Someday and one day. So I don't care anymore. I rather be friends with everyone instead of being alone forever. But I've found someone who has been my close friend for 5 years almost 6. She's cute, white, fair, pretty, smart and innocent. She really is the best friend I've ever had. I was never in the same class as her but we always remain close friends. We talk, we gossip and the best thing I love about her is that.. She only shows her real self when she's with me. Though I have to be really honest, sometimes I'm just really afraid of her leaving me. But right now I'm trying very best to avoid that coming into my mind because I don't know what I would do without her.

I will keep moving forward.

Watch me.

I haven't lost anything,

Its just that,
I never had any of them in the first place.
Everything was given by others.

From the very beginning,
I never had a single thing.
Nothing belonged to me.

I am not wrong.
They all may have said they'd be with me forever,
But its quite clear that was merely a lip service.
Now that I have finally realized,
I play the main character in a tragedy.

No one has ever loved me.

I was a powerless child,
But I returned here in order to bestow the same humiliation upon those who hurt me,
I am waiting for them to come for me again.

Why should I be sitting around sad and in mourning?
Even a dead person can stay still.
But I'm here alive and standing on my own two feet.
If I'm going to end up dying one day,
I'd rather do with no regrets.

I wouldn't call it something as grand as revenge.
It's all just to make me feel better.
It's a game between them and me to see who will win.

Even if I'm flung into the depths of despair,
If there is even a spider's thread I can use to climb out,
I'll grab it and never give up.
We humans have the strength to do that.
However,
Whether to grab it or not is up to each individual.

Unspoken.

Say it before its too late.

I heard my mother talking about me behind my back. The way she spoke sounded really frustrated and angry. Its been days since I last spoke to her. She never did anything wrong to me but I am the type of person who gets angry at someone and won't speak to anyone. There are many things that people don't understand. They tend to simply talk when they don't even know the actual reason. And that pisses me off. It started of with my younger sister who talks shit to my parents. I was so mad I slapped her on the face and since then I had a grumpy look. I kept quiet day and night. Believe me, I was as silent as the dead. I thought of apologizing to everyone in my family. I thought its gonna be easy but whenever i face them, words don't seem to come out. My mind goes blank, I get all nervous. I try to avoid them, ignore them as though they never did exist. Its not easy neither do I feel like its a good thing. I go to my room, lie down on my bed all day long writing about how i really feel. So the words I'm searching for is done. What I'm wanting to say to them is..
I'm Sorry.

Is this it?

I give up.

Have you ever thought of giving up something your so obsessed with? But no matter how hard you tried, you can never do it? Well, I have. Up until now I haven't given it up yet. I feel disappointed with myself because it kills me little by little, everyday just by looking at it. I know its wrong and yet I keep it going on. I know one day the world might end with just a blink of an eye. I know I don't have much time. I have to get prepared but right now, I'm sitting down on this brown old chair doing the same thing all over again. It hurts to see that whenever I put my effort into it, I can never succeed. I try and try but keep on failing.
Sometimes I just wonder..
Why do I even try?